3 years post-transplant

I've been wanting to write something to update this blog for over a year. I seemingly haven't been able to get into what I've felt was the right mindset to properly express my thoughts. I've also thought that I couldn't word everything as I wanted it just so. It may be forever if I try to word everything perfectly, so I might as well just go for it. It's been almost 3 years since the last update here anyway.

August 31st will be six years since life, more so my body, told me to stop for a while.  Spending a month in the hospital and three years on dialysis was certainly not in my plan for that time in my life. We don't get to plan out everything about our lives however and that's a good thing.  My brother Parker selflessly and heroically donated one of his kidneys to me in July 2013. I know I've written about these things before but I'm still amazed and so thankful. I always will be.

The beginning of this month held my checkup marking 3 years since the transplant. I still get somewhat worried from time to time that something might be going wrong.  There's no reason for that however as all the blood work tests and such are still great. My doctor is very happy with everything and the visits, which are now basically yearly, have become mostly the doctor catching up with what's going on in my life in addition to a couple of minutes of chart review. The transplant center staff is still fantastic even this long after the transplant.

It took quite a while for me to adjust to normal life after living the dialysis lifestyle, and especially the diet, for so long.  I slowly worked myself back into going out and about, back into a "normal" lifestyle with the only catch being taking meds twice a day. No problem there at all.  I finished the last semester I needed to get my degree the next spring.  I started work in a retail store a little over a year after the transplant. I've gladly returned to one of my favorite hobbies, attending concerts, with no drawbacks. I've met some incredible people in the last 3 years that have become some of my best friends. You know who you are. Thank you so much. I love you all.

I've been trying to get better with people slowly, and I think I have at least a little bit. Unfortunately I haven't gotten much better with myself. I am still having a hard time finding the ability to believe in myself.  This is certainly one of the biggest issues I need to work on in addition to continuing to improve socially.

It has been difficult to figure out how to move forward after being stuck for so long. Getting back to a normal life was somewhat of a challenge in itself.  Figuring out where to go post transplant and reassimilation into the world has been rough. I'm not sure where to go from here and it's been on my mind very often over the last year or so.  I was stuck on that middle section of the road on that sign for so long that finding the proper direction to continue forward is challenging. I definitely know it is past time to begin moving forward again however.  I felt stuck for far too long and I'm ready to begin changing that positively. I need to find a new direction and hope to begin doing so soon.

Those 3 years and the 3 years since have certainly taught me a great deal about life.  I'm trying to learn more every day from here. What's life if not opportunities to learn? I need to find what excites me, what makes me tick. I'll never be able to show or tell Parker how much what he did for me means and how thankful I am. The same goes for my parents, my brother Julian, other family, friends, medical staff, and everyone else who helped me through that arduous time. I think the best way to show that right now is just to live life now.  I just have to go live it.