Faith

I've always been a Christian and believed in God and Jesus, but all of this that has gone on in the past few months has really made me rely on faith even more. I can't even fathom how someone could make it through all of this without some type of reliance on God.

The physical aspect of it all is rough enough, having tests done, being hooked to a machine for 3 hours every other day after having 2 GIGANTIC needles stuck into your arm. I've been extremely blessed in all of this that that's the only real pain I've had to deal with. Yeah, I said blessed to have two nails stuck in my arm 3 times a week. It's so much better than it would be if I was in pain all of the time, and I have constantly thanked God since this all started that I've been able to get by with just the poke of the needles.

The mental side of things is even crazier. It's a great deal of things to have to deal with. No one ever really expects to be saddled with these kinds of things in day to day life before they're elderly. Going to dialysis and being the youngest one there by far, so much that the social worker whose job it is to relate to the patients can't even relate to you is tough. I try to keep a positive attitude and smile and things like that, but it's really hard sometimes. My family does all they can to help. None of my friends really understand though. I don't expect them to, it's not something anyone would normally understand when they're young. I'm still learning about it all even months later. It's a day to day process. Without my family and faith, I don't know how I'd be able to deal with it all.

I've never really been one to ask why me. I've always accepted since I was a little child that this is just something I'll have to always deal with. Since all this came up last August, I haven't really been angry about any of it at all. What is there to be angry about? It's not like it will help anything. I'm not upset with God for sticking this stuff on me. It's just my situation. Being angry with God wouldn't do me any good at all.

I have to thank God constantly for giving me such a wonderful family to help me through all everything. It does make me feel terrible to think sometimes that I'm dragging them through this everyday and hurting them with it, but He helps me to realize that that's part of what families are. I'm blessed for having such wonderful, caring parents and brothers.

I also am very blessed to have a fantastic team of doctors, nurses, and technicians at the dialysis clinic. They do their absolute best to make every patient feel the best they can and to give the best treatment possible. Sometimes talking to them totally changes my attitude around. I know it's not coincidence that I was put into this clinic instead of a different, possibly closer one. God knows what's best in every situation.

I've always believed in the power of prayer. Having so many people praying for me is so very encouraging. I've certainly prayed more in the past few months than I ever have and I don't intend to stop. Not only is it talking to God, thanking Him, and asking for healing and other things, it's also a very helpful stress relief. I'm constantly praying whenever, wherever now.

I have also started reading the Bible a bit at a time to try to read the entirety of it. Getting through the Old Testament can be a little tough, but if there's a book worth getting through, this is the one right?

I have to thank God for everything, honestly it could be a lot worse.

Usually with faith related things, church is one of the first things people think of. I've been going to church a bunch more in the past few months, although I still don't think we've found the right one to go to on a regular basis yet. Some are too big, some just don't feel right. I'm sure we'll find the right one soon enough.

I think this all has also changed my outlook on people and things in general quite a bit for the better. It's easier for me to give people chances and not immediately think badly of them for insignificant things. I'm never going to really be a people person (like my crazy brother who is wonderful with people!), but hey, I can always work on how to handle people a bit better.

Overall, I don't know how I would have made it this far through this without faith in my life. I know I just have to trust God and know that He has everything under control.